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1 00:00:10.863 --> 00:00:15.768 [APPLAUSE] >> Woo, [FOREIGN] okay,
2 00:00:15.768 --> 00:00:19.514 you have horses,
3 00:00:19.514 --> 00:00:26.006 you have dogs, you have cats,
4 00:00:26.006 --> 00:00:32.516 you have everything, right?
5 00:00:32.516 --> 00:00:33.690 So what's missing?
6 00:00:33.690 --> 00:00:36.241 La cucaracha, that's right.
7 00:00:36.241 --> 00:00:38.309 I know for those of you, how many Latinos in the house?
8 00:00:38.309 --> 00:00:40.070 >> [APPLAUSE] >> Okay, some.
9 00:00:40.070 --> 00:00:43.685 How many of you know the story of La Cucarachita Martina, la cucaracha?
10 00:00:43.685 --> 00:00:47.295 >> [FOREIGN] >> Okay, a couple of you, not a lot, okay?
11 00:00:47.295 --> 00:00:50.350 >> [LAUGH] >> So for those of you who don't know,
12 00:00:50.350 --> 00:00:52.860 I'm gonna tell you very, very quickly.
13 00:00:52.860 --> 00:00:57.950 This is a story about a love that dared not speak its name between a cockroach and
14 00:00:57.950 --> 00:00:58.920 a mouse.
15 00:00:58.920 --> 00:01:02.641 And it was a cockroach that lives in Spain, a very pretty cucaracha,
16 00:01:02.641 --> 00:01:07.000 who's always cleaning, this cucaracha is always cleaning with a broom.
17 00:01:07.000 --> 00:01:10.508 And one day, she finds a coin.
18 00:01:10.508 --> 00:01:14.370 And then she thinks, what can I buy with that coin, huh, what?
19 00:01:14.370 --> 00:01:16.570 Well, what would she buy if she's a cockroach?
20 00:01:16.570 --> 00:01:17.908 Face powder, of course.
21 00:01:17.908 --> 00:01:20.950 >> [LAUGH] >> So she puts a little makeup on.
22 00:01:20.950 --> 00:01:25.450 She looks so good and so hot that all the animals want to marry her.
23 00:01:25.450 --> 00:01:30.220 So they all come courting, there is the duck, quack, quack, quack.
24 00:01:30.220 --> 00:01:33.800 But she goes, okay, she has to ask them how they will talk to her.
25 00:01:33.800 --> 00:01:37.548 And if they talk nice, she's gonna marry one of them.
26 00:01:37.548 --> 00:01:43.069 But she has the frog, the frog goes okay, Mr. Senor Frog, how would you talk to me?
27 00:01:43.069 --> 00:01:47.003 And the frog goes, barum barum barum barum, or in English,
28 00:01:47.003 --> 00:01:49.830 it would be ribbit, ribbit, ribbit.
29 00:01:49.830 --> 00:01:53.170 He goes, I know that sound'll drive me crazy morning, noon, and night.
30 00:01:53.170 --> 00:01:55.243 You guys do not shut up, forget about it.
31 00:01:55.243 --> 00:01:58.566 And then the rooster comes in, and
32 00:01:58.566 --> 00:02:03.502 she goes okay, rooster, how would you talk to me?
33 00:02:03.502 --> 00:02:07.980 And the rooster goes [SOUND], cuz it's a Spanish rooster.
34 00:02:07.980 --> 00:02:10.377 The American rooster will cock-a-doodle-doo,
35 00:02:10.377 --> 00:02:11.906 cock-a-doodle-doo, okay?
36 00:02:11.906 --> 00:02:16.636 >> [LAUGH] >> So then she says oh my God,
37 00:02:16.636 --> 00:02:21.130 no, that's a lot of noise, okay?
38 00:02:21.130 --> 00:02:22.310 That's a lot of noise.
39 00:02:22.310 --> 00:02:27.600 And then comes a little [FOREIGN], Perez, the mouse who
40 00:02:27.600 --> 00:02:34.960 everybody believes is a full blooded royal mouse, who knows how to curtsy very well.
41 00:02:34.960 --> 00:02:39.815 So she goes, okay, [FOREIGN] Perez, how would you talk to me?
42 00:02:39.815 --> 00:02:44.344 And the [FOREIGN] Perez goes choo, choo, choo, choo.
43 00:02:44.344 --> 00:02:47.171 Oh my God, she falls in love, they get married.
44 00:02:47.171 --> 00:02:52.730 She dances flamenco at the wedding, then one day, look, there she.
45 00:02:52.730 --> 00:02:57.940 >> [LAUGH] >> She's singing flamenco at the wedding.
46 00:02:57.940 --> 00:03:02.798 Let me see if I see the, here's Perez, you know Perez?
47 00:03:02.798 --> 00:03:04.302 Okay, she's in the balcony.
48 00:03:04.302 --> 00:03:09.159 Perez is courting, then she dances flamenco.
49 00:03:09.159 --> 00:03:16.235 Then one day for the holiday, she is cooking a nice sweet dessert.
50 00:03:16.235 --> 00:03:19.300 So she's cooking a nice sweet dessert, but she's also very clean.
51 00:03:19.300 --> 00:03:21.070 There she is cooking the dessert.
52 00:03:21.070 --> 00:03:24.630 But she's very clean, so she keeps on with the broom cleaning outside.
53 00:03:24.630 --> 00:03:26.953 She leaves the pot burning, and
54 00:03:26.953 --> 00:03:32.260 the mouse Perez goes, oh, it smells delicious, I wonder what it is.
55 00:03:32.260 --> 00:03:37.590 So he gets up on a little stool, like we have our chair like this.
56 00:03:37.590 --> 00:03:40.250 He gets up on the stool or a chair.
57 00:03:40.250 --> 00:03:42.090 And he sees a little almond.
58 00:03:42.090 --> 00:03:44.490 He thinks, oh, I’m gonna get that almond.
59 00:03:44.490 --> 00:03:48.810 And when he goes to get that almond, he flips over and
60 00:03:48.810 --> 00:03:51.095 goes into the pot and boils to death.
61 00:03:51.095 --> 00:03:55.315 >> [LAUGH] >> Look, I know,
62 00:03:55.315 --> 00:03:59.595 this is what they tell children before they go to bed.
63 00:03:59.595 --> 00:04:02.255 Look, these are the little feet, okay.
64 00:04:02.255 --> 00:04:05.015 The little feet of the poor mouse, look at this.
65 00:04:06.425 --> 00:04:07.435 Oh, thank you very much.
66 00:04:07.435 --> 00:04:09.335 Look at the little feet, okay?
67 00:04:09.335 --> 00:04:13.175 This is horrible, horrible, but so
68 00:04:13.175 --> 00:04:17.890 what happened with the cucaracha, well, she sings, she becomes a widow.
69 00:04:17.890 --> 00:04:21.435 And she sings and she sings to her little mouse, Perez.
70 00:04:21.435 --> 00:04:25.670 She never forgets him, but she ends up being a widow.
71 00:04:25.670 --> 00:04:29.696 So, it's a beautiful story that we tell the children of Latin America,
72 00:04:29.696 --> 00:04:31.024 it's very well known.
73 00:04:31.024 --> 00:04:33.960 >> [LAUGH] >> And
74 00:04:33.960 --> 00:04:39.200 besides Kafka's Metamorphosis, Joan Didion's Miami, and
75 00:04:39.200 --> 00:04:45.240 George Orwell's Animal Farm, Perez Martina was one of my inspirations.
76 00:04:45.240 --> 00:04:49.080 So this dramatic story I'm going to do for
77 00:04:49.080 --> 00:04:54.730 you today is based on the Elián González story.
78 00:04:54.730 --> 00:04:57.680 I don't know how many of you know, but Elián González was a little boy,
79 00:04:57.680 --> 00:05:03.620 five years old, who went on a trip, and he was shipwrecked, found at sea.
80 00:05:03.620 --> 00:05:08.190 And then his custody battle created an international crisis.
81 00:05:08.190 --> 00:05:12.530 So, the title of my piece is called [FOREIGN].
82 00:05:12.530 --> 00:05:16.060 With what ass does a cockroach sit, and I will try,
83 00:05:16.060 --> 00:05:18.780 like Stanislavsky, to become a cockroach.
84 00:05:18.780 --> 00:05:20.320 Can you tell I'm a Cuban cockroach?
85 00:05:22.267 --> 00:05:22.784 Okay.
86 00:05:22.784 --> 00:05:26.001 >> [LAUGH] >> Okay, but I'm not feeling so
87 00:05:26.001 --> 00:05:27.497 cucaracha today.
88 00:05:27.497 --> 00:05:30.780 >> [LAUGH] >> I think this is a little off.
89 00:05:30.780 --> 00:05:33.927 I'll just put it here.
90 00:05:33.927 --> 00:05:36.211 Yes, it's good to change things.
91 00:05:37.690 --> 00:05:40.710 Okay, I'm not feeling cucaracha.
92 00:05:40.710 --> 00:05:43.358 I don't know why, but you know what I think?
93 00:05:43.358 --> 00:05:48.600 [FOREIGN] The shoes, now that's more cucaracha, right?
94 00:05:48.600 --> 00:05:49.464 That's more cucaracha, okay.
95 00:05:57.833 --> 00:05:59.647 Quick, hide.
96 00:05:59.647 --> 00:06:01.060 Quick, hide.
97 00:06:01.060 --> 00:06:03.880 That should be my name, not Martina.
98 00:06:03.880 --> 00:06:08.793 That's what they should put on my tombstone, here lies Quick, Hide.
99 00:06:08.793 --> 00:06:12.900 Oh, the life of a cucaracha is really tough.
100 00:06:12.900 --> 00:06:14.310 People think we're dirty.
101 00:06:14.310 --> 00:06:17.690 But what do they expect when we gotta hide all the time?
102 00:06:17.690 --> 00:06:22.568 Inside a greasy stove, under a dresser with a dust bunny the size of a bull frog.
103 00:06:22.568 --> 00:06:24.529 And only if you're really lucky,
104 00:06:24.529 --> 00:06:29.416 behind a can of Planters peanuts that have been opened, and you can lick the salt.
105 00:06:29.416 --> 00:06:30.995 We suffer so much anxiety.
106 00:06:30.995 --> 00:06:33.605 You gotta have eyes in the back of your head cuz you never know where
107 00:06:33.605 --> 00:06:35.320 the danger's coming from.
108 00:06:35.320 --> 00:06:39.772 But I shouldn't complain, this is a good family situation for me.
109 00:06:39.772 --> 00:06:44.720 The old man is 80 years old and slow as molasses, and Catalina,
110 00:06:44.720 --> 00:06:49.555 my best friend, is a very generous parrot, but bossy.
111 00:06:49.555 --> 00:06:53.570 Oh, I gotta do all her leg work cuz I got six legs and
112 00:06:53.570 --> 00:06:56.050 she's got two, and she's got to be inside her cage.
113 00:06:57.120 --> 00:07:01.190 Everyday at 9 a.m., I gotta go into her old man's bedroom
114 00:07:01.190 --> 00:07:03.950 to see if he's packing a suitcase to leave on a trip.
115 00:07:05.450 --> 00:07:10.871 And she's so strict with me, we gotta have vocabulary lessons at 12 before lunch.
116 00:07:10.871 --> 00:07:15.240 And then at 3, cafe con leche. Cafe con leche, not just regular cafe con leche but
117 00:07:15.240 --> 00:07:17.785 cafe con leche with a discussion.
118 00:07:17.785 --> 00:07:22.441 And she gets upset with me if I say something she don't wanna hear.
119 00:07:22.441 --> 00:07:25.887 [FOREIGN] Like my grandfather used to say,
120 00:07:25.887 --> 00:07:30.815 Al rey no se le dice lo que no quiere oir - you don't tell the king what he don't wanna hear.
121 00:07:30.815 --> 00:07:31.569 No?
122 00:07:31.569 --> 00:07:32.676 >> [LAUGH]
123 00:07:46.993 --> 00:07:51.814 >> [SOUND] Practice
124 00:07:51.814 --> 00:07:55.786 makes perfect.
125 00:07:55.786 --> 00:08:01.800 >> [LAUGH] >> [FOREIGN] Where is Martina?
126 00:08:01.800 --> 00:08:04.340 I've never met a cucaracha more resistant.
127 00:08:04.340 --> 00:08:08.670 Any type of intellectual stimulation is like a punishment.
128 00:08:08.670 --> 00:08:14.220 How many times have I told her we must feed our brains as well as our souls?
129 00:08:14.220 --> 00:08:16.108 And to think I was once like her.
130 00:08:16.108 --> 00:08:19.280 La salvaje, a wild savage.
131 00:08:19.280 --> 00:08:23.555 I was not born in Havana, but some called me, La Señora de la Habana Vieja.
132 00:08:23.555 --> 00:08:27.792 No, this grande dame of Havana was born in the jungle, and
133 00:08:27.792 --> 00:08:32.380 taken by a man who took Cuban parrots to sell in the black market.
134 00:08:32.380 --> 00:08:36.375 And that's how my brother, Francisco, now Harry, ended up in Chicago.
135 00:08:36.375 --> 00:08:40.307 >> [LAUGH] >> And I ended up with my old man,
136 00:08:40.307 --> 00:08:45.690 the Grammy winning singer of the Nueva Vista Social Club.
137 00:08:46.870 --> 00:08:50.736 My Grammy winner, so handsome.
138 00:08:50.736 --> 00:08:55.610 [FOREIGN] Big bags under his eyes,
139 00:08:55.610 --> 00:08:58.420 magic fingers that can pluck the guitar.
140 00:08:58.420 --> 00:09:01.956 And massage my [SOUND] cranium [LAUGH].
141 00:09:01.956 --> 00:09:07.630 My old man and I, we're going to be doing a duet together of a CD.
142 00:09:07.630 --> 00:09:11.380 And that's why I work hard to elevate myself and
143 00:09:11.380 --> 00:09:14.780 learn a new vocabulary word every day.
144 00:09:14.780 --> 00:09:17.235 Yesterday's word was succinct.
145 00:09:17.235 --> 00:09:20.310 >> [LAUGH] >> Martina should be happy.
146 00:09:20.310 --> 00:09:27.120 How many roaches are there that learn vocabulary and live in such splendor?
147 00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:31.070 A cage that's the exact replica of the Palace of Versailles.
148 00:09:31.070 --> 00:09:32.580 My mirrors!
149 00:09:32.580 --> 00:09:34.934 My Louis Quatorze chair!
150 00:09:34.934 --> 00:09:36.480 And my divan.
151 00:09:36.480 --> 00:09:40.590 Most people are hungry in Cuba, I am like Marie Antoinette.
152 00:09:40.590 --> 00:09:46.513 I say, let them eat cake [FOREIGN] >> [LAUGH]
153 00:09:46.513 --> 00:09:49.201 >> Martina, Martina!
154 00:09:49.201 --> 00:09:53.630 [FOREIGN] Where were you?
155 00:09:53.630 --> 00:09:56.280 I assume there's nothing to report.
156 00:09:56.280 --> 00:09:58.850 No suitcase, no packing going on.
157 00:09:58.850 --> 00:10:00.500 He's not going away on a singing trip, no.
158 00:10:00.500 --> 00:10:04.144 >> No, no packing, no suitcase, no, not like that, no.
159 00:10:04.144 --> 00:10:08.130 >> Okay, let us begin with our vocabulary lesson.
160 00:10:08.130 --> 00:10:13.200 The word for today is, petit pois, that's French for peas.
161 00:10:13.200 --> 00:10:14.092 Repeat after me.
162 00:10:14.092 --> 00:10:15.923 Petit pois.
163 00:10:15.923 --> 00:10:16.840 Again?
164 00:10:16.840 --> 00:10:18.879 >> [LAUGH] >> Again?
165 00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:21.946 Now a sentence.
166 00:10:21.946 --> 00:10:25.482 I love my petit pois.
167 00:10:25.482 --> 00:10:27.616 >> [LAUGH] >> Is that it?
168 00:10:27.616 --> 00:10:30.750 >> [LAUGH] >> Very well.
169 00:10:30.750 --> 00:10:34.260 What, you're not staying to hear Bertha the Bee,
170 00:10:34.260 --> 00:10:36.630 the Animal Internet's new reporter?
171 00:10:36.630 --> 00:10:38.680 Keep on buzzing Bertha?
172 00:10:38.680 --> 00:10:39.530 You think she's dry?
173 00:10:40.690 --> 00:10:43.362 Don't you mean succinct?
174 00:10:43.362 --> 00:10:45.207 >> [LAUGH] >> Yes,
175 00:10:45.207 --> 00:10:50.360 I know you like Lumumba the Lizard's reporting but he's old.
176 00:10:50.360 --> 00:10:54.480 Yes, very well, go, meet Lumumba, but remember café con leche is at 3:00.
177 00:10:54.480 --> 00:10:57.790 And our discussion is going to be a good one,
178 00:10:57.790 --> 00:11:02.610 all about Spain becoming the biggest investor in the Cuban economy.
179 00:11:02.610 --> 00:11:08.056 [FOREIGN] Lumumba.
180 00:11:08.056 --> 00:11:12.891 >> [LAUGH] >> Lumumba.
181 00:11:14.650 --> 00:11:17.720 >> Poor guy, his legs don't have good suction no more.
182 00:11:20.550 --> 00:11:22.930 To think that I used to live in this apartment!
183 00:11:23.990 --> 00:11:26.880 This was a very bad family situation for me.
184 00:11:26.880 --> 00:11:29.510 A lot of danger, and no food!
185 00:11:29.510 --> 00:11:31.585 One week I was on a strict diet of hair.
186 00:11:31.585 --> 00:11:33.785 Hair is so bad for the digestion!
187 00:11:33.785 --> 00:11:36.545 >> [LAUGH] >> [LAUGH]
188 00:11:36.545 --> 00:11:42.660 >> A shadow around me, ow, ow, ow.
189 00:11:42.660 --> 00:11:46.870 Hey, kid your finger on my antenna is killing me.
190 00:11:48.200 --> 00:11:49.132 What, you're a good boy and
191 00:11:49.132 --> 00:11:52.200 you gotta kill me cuz nobody likes roaches in the house, they're dirty.
192 00:11:52.200 --> 00:11:54.510 No, no that's a lie, a lie.
193 00:11:54.510 --> 00:11:56.790 You're a good boy and you don't lie, and
194 00:11:56.790 --> 00:12:01.910 you like to play with the tourist children at the hotel where your father works.
195 00:12:01.910 --> 00:12:05.233 But the tourist children got bigger, better toys than you,
196 00:12:05.233 --> 00:12:06.676 a Power Ranger and an SUV.
197 00:12:06.676 --> 00:12:11.090 But you got toys that are magic, a rock and a stick, and they can fly.
198 00:12:12.290 --> 00:12:13.310 You're a smart boy!
199 00:12:14.960 --> 00:12:17.110 And you like to wash your daddy's car?
200 00:12:17.110 --> 00:12:18.764 So bye bye dirty roach, I kill you.
201 00:12:18.764 --> 00:12:21.010 No, no, kid, I'm very clean!
202 00:12:21.010 --> 00:12:22.812 I'm so clean, I'm friends with the Queen!
203 00:12:22.812 --> 00:12:28.140 What Queen you ask, what's your name?
204 00:12:28.140 --> 00:12:32.450 Elian Gonzalez. The Queen of Spain.
205 00:12:32.450 --> 00:12:33.630 You saw her on TV?
206 00:12:33.630 --> 00:12:34.270 You love TV?
207 00:12:34.270 --> 00:12:34.840 Me too.
208 00:12:34.840 --> 00:12:37.415 Take your finger off my antenna and I'll tell you all about it.
209 00:12:37.415 --> 00:12:42.668 >> [LAUGH] >> No, no I won't run, I promise.
210 00:12:43.745 --> 00:12:48.205 See Elian, I was in a flamenco
211 00:12:48.205 --> 00:12:53.568 dancing contest, that's right.
212 00:12:53.568 --> 00:12:58.710 I was the best dancer of flamenco in all of Cuba.
213 00:12:58.710 --> 00:13:02.060 And that's how I got to be the roach in waiting to the Queen of Spain.
214 00:13:02.060 --> 00:13:04.810 Yes sit down, I'll tell you all about it, no I won't run.
215 00:13:04.810 --> 00:13:09.850 There I was, dancing, dancing, dancing, with a mantilla on my head, ole.
216 00:13:09.850 --> 00:13:10.740 What?
217 00:13:10.740 --> 00:13:13.690 Oh yeah, they cut two little holes on my mantilla so
218 00:13:13.690 --> 00:13:15.345 my antennas could stick out, yeah.
219 00:13:15.345 --> 00:13:17.320 >> [LAUGH] >> Elian, and
220 00:13:17.320 --> 00:13:20.070 when queens eat, what do queens usually have?
221 00:13:21.640 --> 00:13:27.570 A crown, yeah but she doesn't wanna wear a crown cuz she wants to be more democratic.
222 00:13:27.570 --> 00:13:33.610 No, more communist, no more capital, oh, the politics got me mixed up, okay.
223 00:13:33.610 --> 00:13:35.730 Look, queens have banquets,
224 00:13:35.730 --> 00:13:40.020 the only problem is that the banquet is in a restaurant.
225 00:13:40.020 --> 00:13:43.642 And there's nothing that restaurant owners hate more than us roaches.
226 00:13:43.642 --> 00:13:46.730 But I, [LAUGH] [FOREIGN],
227 00:13:46.730 --> 00:13:51.410 I jump on the back of the queen's dress and hold on to the back.
228 00:13:51.410 --> 00:13:57.730 Oh my god, it was so pretty, I had to read the label, Carolina Herrera, and
229 00:13:57.730 --> 00:14:01.840 when I look up, the restaurant owner staring at me with such hate.
230 00:14:01.840 --> 00:14:04.360 But I stare right back, he can't do a thing.
231 00:14:04.360 --> 00:14:06.212 He whacks me, he whacks the Queen.
232 00:14:06.212 --> 00:14:07.860 [LAUGH] >> [LAUGH]
233 00:14:07.860 --> 00:14:10.000 >> I went down on the back of the Queen's
234 00:14:10.000 --> 00:14:14.275 dress, holding on and waving just like the Queen.
235 00:14:14.275 --> 00:14:16.320 Elian, you try the royal wave.
236 00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:21.900 That's right, that's right, and I made the headlines in the Animal Internet.
237 00:14:21.900 --> 00:14:24.355 That's the AI, where we get the news.
238 00:14:24.355 --> 00:14:28.948 >> [LAUGH] >> [FOREIGN] Dines with the Queen of
239 00:14:28.948 --> 00:14:29.993 Spain.
240 00:14:29.993 --> 00:14:31.220 What?
241 00:14:31.220 --> 00:14:32.870 You wanna kiss me?
242 00:14:32.870 --> 00:14:35.166 So, I turn into a princess.
243 00:14:35.166 --> 00:14:36.755 Ah, no chico, that happens in fairy tales.
244 00:14:36.755 --> 00:14:41.671 If you kiss me, I'll be a roach, but a roach in waiting to the Queen of Spain.
245 00:14:41.671 --> 00:14:42.796 Quick, hide.
246 00:14:42.796 --> 00:14:44.536 Quick, hide.
247 00:14:44.536 --> 00:14:46.070 Thanks, kid.
248 00:14:47.500 --> 00:14:48.970 Look at that.
249 00:14:48.970 --> 00:14:50.120 He's waving at me.
250 00:14:56.154 --> 00:14:57.770 Martina, [FOREIGN].
251 00:14:57.770 --> 00:14:59.080 Where were you?
252 00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:01.190 My old man's coming any moment now.
253 00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:03.060 Oh, there he is.
254 00:15:03.060 --> 00:15:05.789 Quick, hide, hide under the sunflower seeds.
255 00:15:08.421 --> 00:15:14.369 [FOREIGN] >> [LAUGH]
256 00:15:14.369 --> 00:15:18.600 >> I'm hiding under the sunflower seeds
257 00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:21.600 and I see the old man shuffling and singing.
258 00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:26.370 And he's calling Catalina the flower of his existence.
259 00:15:26.370 --> 00:15:31.221 And then, he tells her that he's going on a singing trip to Miami.
260 00:15:31.221 --> 00:15:33.897 Oh my God, she loses it.
261 00:15:33.897 --> 00:15:38.627 No Miami, no Miami, no, no Miami, no!
262 00:15:38.627 --> 00:15:43.193 Well, the guy, he's a smooth operator, because then he says,
263 00:15:43.193 --> 00:15:48.187 they're gonna do a CD together and that he's gonna give her a massage.
264 00:15:48.187 --> 00:15:50.840 When he says massage, that's the key word.
265 00:15:53.230 --> 00:15:54.025 I see, Papi.
266 00:15:54.025 --> 00:15:56.467 >> [LAUGH] >> Give it to me, Papi.
267 00:15:56.467 --> 00:15:59.468 Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me.
268 00:15:59.468 --> 00:16:02.820 [LAUGH] >> [INAUDIBLE] An old man and
269 00:16:02.820 --> 00:16:05.775 a parrot, that relationship is not healthy okay.
270 00:16:05.775 --> 00:16:10.150 >> [LAUGH] >> But life is good for me here.
271 00:16:11.340 --> 00:16:15.560 All I gotta do is shut up, I'm getting good at climbing
272 00:16:16.620 --> 00:16:20.660 the dresser where the old man keeps his postcards.
273 00:16:20.660 --> 00:16:22.260 I could use a little contemplating.
274 00:16:23.340 --> 00:16:28.420 There is nothing more relaxing than contemplating on top of a postcard.
275 00:16:28.420 --> 00:16:34.683 My favorite is Rio de Janeiro, where Yemalla has her feast day.
276 00:16:34.683 --> 00:16:37.880 I love Yemalla because she respects roaches.
277 00:16:37.880 --> 00:16:38.890 Thank you, Yemalla for
278 00:16:38.890 --> 00:16:42.465 not letting Elian believe I was a dirty, dumb, disgusting roach.
279 00:16:42.465 --> 00:16:46.537 [SOUND] Contemplating is good.
280 00:16:46.537 --> 00:16:49.982 >> [LAUGH] >> We roaches, we are bumpy bugs.
281 00:16:49.982 --> 00:16:52.943 The bees, and the ants, they're the workaholics.
282 00:16:52.943 --> 00:16:58.986 >> [LAUGH] >> We love to contemplate, yeah.
283 00:16:58.986 --> 00:17:06.127 [SOUND] You know, sometimes I don't understand why people hate us so much?
284 00:17:06.127 --> 00:17:12.530 We've been in this planet since the day of the dinosaur and we are not extinct, why?
285 00:17:14.560 --> 00:17:18.750 Cuz we outsmart people and we're easygoing.
286 00:17:18.750 --> 00:17:22.250 How many times they hit us with a broom?
287 00:17:22.250 --> 00:17:27.455 And then they go find a pan or a newspaper to pick the cadaver up and surprise!
288 00:17:27.455 --> 00:17:29.020 >> [LAUGH] >> And
289 00:17:29.020 --> 00:17:33.319 then they yell [FOREIGN] where did that [FOREIGN] go?
290 00:17:33.319 --> 00:17:38.431 >> [LAUGH] >> We outsmart people, yeah!
291 00:17:38.431 --> 00:17:40.790 We live, we are survivors.
292 00:17:40.790 --> 00:17:45.017 We live even if our lives are full of insult.
293 00:17:55.830 --> 00:18:03.870 Martina, Martina Martina, you missed Bertha.
294 00:18:03.870 --> 00:18:05.850 But I will tell you the news.
295 00:18:07.448 --> 00:18:13.561 Oh, in that old French tradition, that of the raconteur and
296 00:18:13.561 --> 00:18:17.699 the lead story today is such a tragedy.
297 00:18:19.050 --> 00:18:21.930 A tragedy, a tragedy, oh, I love a tragedy.
298 00:18:21.930 --> 00:18:26.270 Please, can I rip a little piece of paper from your cage to use as a hanky?
299 00:18:28.120 --> 00:18:29.206 If you must.
300 00:18:35.746 --> 00:18:42.562 It all started at 4 a.m. in the morning, 14 people huddled together by some trees and
301 00:18:42.562 --> 00:18:46.510 shrubs to the shore boarded a boat to leave Cuba.
302 00:18:46.510 --> 00:18:50.820 Last passengers were young mother and her boy El Nino,
303 00:18:50.820 --> 00:18:54.620 five years old. Isn't it something?
304 00:18:54.620 --> 00:19:00.100 [FOREIGN] The queen, the pope, Leonardo DiCaprio,
305 00:19:00.100 --> 00:19:03.610 they all come to Cuba by plane, and then others, they go by boat.
306 00:19:05.870 --> 00:19:06.685 Are you finished?
307 00:19:06.685 --> 00:19:10.170 >> [LAUGH] >> Before they boarded the boat,
308 00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:16.360 the boy turned to look back, but what he, the mother bent down and
309 00:19:16.360 --> 00:19:18.680 said Nino don't look back.
310 00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:21.236 There's our future [FOREIGN].
311 00:19:21.236 --> 00:19:24.200 >> [LAUGH] >> The captain of the boat
312 00:19:24.200 --> 00:19:27.680 took the boy from her, he was her boyfriend.
313 00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:31.570 And when the mother saw the boat packed like a can of sardines, she hesitated.
314 00:19:31.570 --> 00:19:35.030 But the boyfriend said [FOREIGN] and she did.
315 00:19:35.030 --> 00:19:38.580 It was so crowded in the boat, the mother held the boy in her arms and
316 00:19:38.580 --> 00:19:40.830 when the boy turned to look back and
317 00:19:40.830 --> 00:19:44.070 didn't see any lights on shore a tear trickled down his cheek.
318 00:19:44.070 --> 00:19:46.400 He wiped it off with the back of his hand.
319 00:19:46.400 --> 00:19:49.490 He wanted to be brave, but he had a lump in his throat.
320 00:19:49.490 --> 00:19:52.390 The mother, to distract him, pointed to the planets.
321 00:19:52.390 --> 00:19:57.640 There's Pluto, Venus, Mars, she got them all wrong but it did distract the boy.
322 00:19:57.640 --> 00:20:01.630 Then she starts to sing, When You Wish Upon a Star.
323 00:20:03.410 --> 00:20:05.914 Aye, nobody sings that better than Jimminy Cricket.
324 00:20:05.914 --> 00:20:08.526 [FOREIGN] >> [LAUGH]
325 00:20:08.526 --> 00:20:10.898 >> [FOREIGN] cannot hold a candle to my
326 00:20:10.898 --> 00:20:12.420 old man.
327 00:20:12.420 --> 00:20:17.870 Not long after that, not long after that, the boat
328 00:20:17.870 --> 00:20:24.140 stopped and the boyfriend, the boyfriend went to see if he could fix the motor.
329 00:20:24.140 --> 00:20:26.960 To make matters worse, it started to rain.
330 00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:29.630 The drops were the size of quarters!
331 00:20:29.630 --> 00:20:33.962 People start to get antsy, they, they said what is happening,
332 00:20:33.962 --> 00:20:36.780 we're not moving, we paid $1000!
333 00:20:36.780 --> 00:20:39.650 The boyfriend tried to fix the motor but he couldn't.
334 00:20:39.650 --> 00:20:43.000 Then the waves kept rocking more violently from side to side.
335 00:20:43.000 --> 00:20:46.510 The mother put the boy down and he almost lost his balance.
336 00:20:46.510 --> 00:20:50.590 A big wave poured water over them, a woman screamed as she fell.
337 00:20:50.590 --> 00:20:53.354 Suddenly there was thunder and lightning and people panicked.
338 00:20:53.354 --> 00:20:58.030 And panic is like wildfire, once it starts it's impossible to put out.
339 00:20:58.030 --> 00:21:00.710 People rocking more violently now.
340 00:21:00.710 --> 00:21:04.090 Another wave put water into the boat and the boyfriend yelled for
341 00:21:04.090 --> 00:21:05.760 people to calm down.
342 00:21:05.760 --> 00:21:09.520 Suddenly a man went overboard, people screamed he's drowning.
343 00:21:09.520 --> 00:21:14.830 The boyfriend yelled the mother to get two inner tubes to use as a life preserver.
344 00:21:14.830 --> 00:21:18.590 The mother grabbed one for the child and put it on him and
345 00:21:18.590 --> 00:21:21.920 then the boyfriend yelled the mother to grab the rope he was throwing and
346 00:21:21.920 --> 00:21:24.750 she quickly tied the boy to the tube.
347 00:21:24.750 --> 00:21:29.170 And said to him Nino hold on, hold on.
348 00:21:29.170 --> 00:21:33.200 She was about to tie herself to the tube when a monstrous wave was forming and
349 00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:34.810 growing bigger than all the others.
350 00:21:34.810 --> 00:21:39.969 And the weight of the passengers along with the fury of the wave capsized
351 00:21:39.969 --> 00:21:44.523 the boat until all of the passengers are hurled into the ocean.
352 00:21:46.601 --> 00:21:47.880 El nino?
353 00:21:47.880 --> 00:21:50.250 The boy, the boy was under water.
354 00:21:50.250 --> 00:21:53.160 He opened his eyes, he couldn't see a thing, he swallowed water,
355 00:21:53.160 --> 00:21:54.540 he gagged in a few seconds.
356 00:21:54.540 --> 00:21:59.150 The tube lifted him up, with the rain, thunder and darkness he was confused.
357 00:21:59.150 --> 00:22:00.020 Where was his mommy?
358 00:22:00.020 --> 00:22:01.890 Is there someone by the sinking ship?
359 00:22:01.890 --> 00:22:02.590 Was that her?
360 00:22:02.590 --> 00:22:04.710 He tried swimming like his father had taught him but
361 00:22:04.710 --> 00:22:09.230 with his arms they were too short to reach the water and all he could do was kick,
362 00:22:09.230 --> 00:22:13.460 as people kept screaming and crying and the rain was coming down hard.
363 00:22:13.460 --> 00:22:18.829 He tried to scream but no sound would come out of his mouth, and the screams and
364 00:22:18.829 --> 00:22:24.129 the crying stopped and the only sound was the sound of the waves and the rain.
365 00:22:24.129 --> 00:22:26.785 And the boy just kept kicking.
366 00:22:28.989 --> 00:22:35.296 [FOREIGN]
367 00:22:35.296 --> 00:22:38.901 Aye, no.
368 00:22:38.901 --> 00:22:39.850 I love a good cry!
369 00:22:41.490 --> 00:22:42.370 That was great.
370 00:22:45.170 --> 00:22:50.248 Martina, it's a tragedy that turns into a [LAUGH] comedy.
371 00:22:50.248 --> 00:22:52.760 Because the boy has been called a child of the dolphins
372 00:22:52.760 --> 00:22:57.705 was rescued by two Miami dolphins, Dolores and Dominique.
373 00:22:57.705 --> 00:22:58.410 Oh, they were so
374 00:22:58.410 --> 00:23:03.220 good to the boy, first they all cried together the boy cried about his mother.
375 00:23:03.220 --> 00:23:06.660 And Dominique cried about her own mother who died in child birth.
376 00:23:06.660 --> 00:23:11.080 And Dolores cried about her baby calf who got hit by a Carnival cruise ship.
377 00:23:11.080 --> 00:23:15.339 Then after they cried they [UNKNOWN] and echo-located [SOUND]
378 00:23:15.339 --> 00:23:17.270 >> [LAUGH]
379 00:23:17.270 --> 00:23:18.830 >> And when the boy was hungry,
380 00:23:18.830 --> 00:23:24.550 he asked got milk and Dolores was still lactating, breast at the boy and
381 00:23:24.550 --> 00:23:28.680 her milk was as sweet as dulce de leche the Hagen Daas.
382 00:23:30.290 --> 00:23:34.390 They got along so well with the boy they wanted to adopt him.
383 00:23:34.390 --> 00:23:37.060 Imagine, a boy with two mommies.
384 00:23:38.130 --> 00:23:40.945 But the sharks vetoed the adoption.
385 00:23:40.945 --> 00:23:44.910 Well they [UNKNOwN] and echo located and
386 00:23:44.910 --> 00:23:50.018 they pushed the boy, Elian Gonzalez, to a fishing boat so he could be picked up.
387 00:23:50.018 --> 00:23:54.900 Elian, Elian Gonzalez, I know him.
388 00:23:55.990 --> 00:23:57.460 I know him.
389 00:23:57.460 --> 00:23:59.440 This is not news.
390 00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:02.542 This is a real tragedy.
391 00:24:02.542 --> 00:24:05.555 I know him.
392 00:24:05.555 --> 00:24:09.641 Thank you very much, thank you.
393 00:24:09.641 --> 00:24:11.687 >> [APPLAUSE] >> Thank you and you know what happened?
394 00:24:11.687 --> 00:24:13.004 You know what happened to Elian?
395 00:24:13.004 --> 00:24:13.925 He got sent back.
396 00:24:13.925 --> 00:24:18.527 In my story, this is just an excerpt in the story, what happens is Catalina and
397 00:24:18.527 --> 00:24:20.150 Martina have a huge fight.
398 00:24:20.150 --> 00:24:23.819 In a jealous rage the parrot hits the roach,
399 00:24:23.819 --> 00:24:28.393 she ends up in a luggage bound for Miami with the old man.
400 00:24:28.393 --> 00:24:32.740 And she ends up next door to Elian's relatives.
401 00:24:32.740 --> 00:24:37.021 So she gets inducted in Miami into the AI, the Animal Internet,
402 00:24:37.021 --> 00:24:39.734 by a transgender cat called Cassandra.
403 00:24:39.734 --> 00:24:41.750 >> [LAUGH] >> And
404 00:24:41.750 --> 00:24:47.500 when she does get inducted into that she actually does the interview with Elian,
405 00:24:47.500 --> 00:24:51.560 one to one with Elian the day that the US
406 00:24:51.560 --> 00:24:56.400 government sends the SWAT team to pick up Elian and sends him back to Cuba.
407 00:24:56.400 --> 00:25:01.852 So the roach jumps in to Elian's sneaker and they fly off to Cuba,
408 00:25:01.852 --> 00:25:06.711 where they eventually reunite Martina and Catalina and
409 00:25:06.711 --> 00:25:10.182 they continue the vocabulary lessons and
410 00:25:10.182 --> 00:25:14.763 they continue their discussions with Cafe con Leche.
411 00:25:14.763 --> 00:25:15.721 Thank you very much.
412 00:25:15.721 --> 00:25:17.920 >> [APPLAUSE] >> Thank you.
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